Saturday, July 16, 2011

A Hole in The Foot

So the ache at the base of three middle toes is still there and now it affects my gait and I even feel it on the bottom of my foot and I don't like it.  it hurts on top of the foot and on the bottom in roughly the same place, as if there's a hole in the foot.  And I'm tired because I sleep badly, lying awake at 3:00 a.m., then at 4:30 a.m., then at 5:30 a.m. thinking about my job, worrying about what's going to happen to some of our more serious cases.  This has been going on for years and I'm used to it.  Lately, though, it's been more frequent, which is surprising because I have a new job where instead of one person working with me I have five.  Where in the past I worried about everything that needed to get done, now I know that it will get done.  I think because I have others doing the work, the control freak in me worries because I have ceded control over day-to-day handling of most of the cases to my able colleagues and I don't know what happening in the cases every minute of every day.  This is a good thing in theory.  I have to appreciate that this is a good thing and quit worrying.

Today, though, my job committed the unpardonable sin of infecting my ride.  I rode home on Lafayette-Moraga bike path, worrying irrationally about work.  This made me angry and unhappy.  Cycling is my sanctuary, an escape from work and daily worries.  Work worries on the ride -- no way!  I think the realization and appreciation that lack of control is a good thing will improve matters.  I just remembered that I used to banish worries by imagining a swirling toilet with my bad thoughts going down the drain.  Will have to resurrect this method of dealing with these troubles.


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